Thursday, May 28, 2009

The beauty of Children

Children are beautiful. They do the silliest things. I always wonder what they dream about or What goes through their mind. I absolutely love children! and watching them grow up. Its an amazing thing. Watching them learn how to walk and talk and climb. Watching them have little crushes on the opposite sex. It feels like my newphew was a newborn just yesterday and now hes 2 years old..... My newphew is so crazy sometimes. I was watching tv today and sharing doritos with him and he kept smelling my feet HAHA. It was hilarious cause he kept doing it. I think he has a foot fetish lol. Sometimes he will come up and just start rubbing my feet. Girls are gonna love him some day lol. Then when my boyfriend came home, i had him sit on my back cause it was hurting but he plopped down too hard so i screamed and my newphew came over and screamed at him and tried to push him off me. When he stood up my newphew gave me a big hug and wouldnt let go. He was protecting me. It was soooo adorable!!! It makes me excited to have one of my own one a couple of years of course.
I never knew i could love somebody so much until the day my newphew was born. Hes the most precious little boy. I love him to death. Hes going to grow up to be a successful smart gentleman. Sometimes i wish he were mine. :)

Since i love kids so much....I'm trying to become a Nanny. I have an interview tomorrow for a single mother with two 9 yr olds. Hopefully i get this job. :) Pray for me!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Time for a second job!

Well its been a few days since ive posted. Been super busy lol. Ive finally decided that its time for a second job. Ive been in a little bit of debt since July when i was out of work for 2 months and im really trying to get myself out of a rut. So heres my plan:
I should get about 1200 back in taxes.
I have about 600 left to pay on my laptop so im going to completely pay that off. One less bill for me.
Then im going to take the rest and get my car fixed which is in major need of fixing by the way. (tell you about that in a minute)
Then if i get this new job working overnights at Mcdonalds then i should make enough money to be able to get caught up on my insurance payments and also pay off my mom for loaning me 400 to get my car fixed the last time :)
AND THEN....I should deff. be able to get an apartment by the end of the summer...YAY!!!!
So i think my plan will work.
What made me decide to get a second job besides being in minor debt?
Well i was on my way home tonight at 1:45 am lol and i stopped at Mcdonalds for a soda. Well, my cousin Chris works their and hes the overnight manager and told me he could help me get a job their. So i got to normally up till like 5 in the morning because i cant seem to get to sleep so i figure...why waste that time just laying in bed or being on this laptop when i could be working making extra money. I'll sleep from 7am to 2 pm instead of 5am to 2pm lol and then go to work at walmart lol. Sounds like a great idea to me.

So about my car...i swear sometimes its possessed. Ever since the night my friend had a physic at her house reading our car has been doing some pretty crazy stuff. When i turn my headlights windshield wipers come on and then i cant beep my horn. But when my headlights are off my windshield wipers are off and i can beep my horn lol. Well i temporarily fixed the windshield problem by removing this little piece that i have no clue what its called lol. but whenever i need my windshield wipers i just have to insert the little piece back into the socket. Yeah..i need my car rewired i think. So im going to get that done soon. No clue how much its going to cost but im assuming its going to be alot :/ which sucks!!!!

Well anyways, i met this guy Dave. Who is simply just amazing. And for once in a long starting to fall for him. Weve been talking and hanging out for a couple weeks and yesterday he asked me out lol. For once ive found a guy who doesnt seem weird to me. He makes me so happy. Hes someone i can cuddle with and not be pressured into sex thankgod. He makes me laugh non-stop which is a big plus for me because i love a guy who can make me laugh. And he has no problem doing that. Hes very sweet. And im hoping and praying that everything works out!

On a side note...i now have a stalker at Walmart!! I had to have 3 big guys walk me to my car the other night when i got off work. I was so scared. He waited for me to get off work. Started asking me to give him a ride so i had to make an excuse that i didnt have gas and i was in a rush. The 3 guys waited out their until i safely left in my car thankgod. Well, i go into work today to get my check and cash it and there he is again! Im standing in line at customer service...i look over and there he is smiling and waving. So again i had someone walk me to my car. So glad that i have people to watch my back.
Thank you Dusty for always having my back! Your the greatest!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Thankyou Lord!

My brother Matt moved back home for a little while until he gets back on his feet. Its been really nice having him around. Hes really changed alot since he last lived at home. Hes more mature and grown up. Last night, i had gotten out the shower and realized i had forgoten my bag of hair gel outside. I didnt want to go outside and get it with wet hair so i asked my mom if she could but instead, my brother jumped up and said he would. It was very sweet of him. Also, last night when i had to bring my clothes up, he helped me because there were two big piles. I didnt even ask him to help. He just volunteered!!!

My brother used to be a big drug addict. And he always had a short temper when he was on them. He would cuss my mom out, threaten to kill himself, punch holes in the wall, hit me, and complain about everything. So getting to see my brother off the drugs and being a gentlemen warms my heart. My prayers were answered! He stopped doing the drugs almost 2 years ago. And it was all because of this little one:

I'd have to say hes the most wonderful dad ever! Im so proud of him. When i first found out my brothers girlfriend of the time was pregnant....i freaked. I thought to myself "Poor kid, hes going to have it rough"! And i must say, i was completely wrong. My brother quit doing drugs, got a better job, and moved out and got an apartment! I couldnt be any prouder of him! His son is the most precious little boy! I love him to death. And hes very lucky to have my brother as his dad.

As far as his mother goes...shes still on drugs. My brother is still trying to get custody of him! Its so crazy!!! I even went as far as calling social services on her...but did that help???...hmm let me think...NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! It makes me so angry. She returns him to my brother with cuts all over his face all the time! She doesnt keep an eye on him like she should, she takes him out in the middle of the night to drug houses, she sleeps while hes roaming around the house, and she doesnt put a coat on him when she takes him outside!! Its rediculous!! What am i to do??

Heres a poem i wrote back in the day when my brother was on drugs:
I'm heartbroken
My insides are bleeding from the pain
I'm slowly beginning to go insane
Everyday, his actions replay and replay in my mind
Peace is something i just cant find
I'm heartbroken
He continues to scream so loud
Punching everything and gathering a crowd
Yelling and screaming that nobody cares
But everyday hes in my prayers
I'm heartbroken
He's putting holes in the wall
I sit here feeling so hopeless and small
Tears are flowing down my face
I'm so scared, my heart begins to race
I'm heartbroken
Listening and watching everything
My eyes are starting to sting
All i can see is the hurt and pain in the face of my mother
Who sits there worrying, in pain from my brother
I'm heartbroken
Dear God,
Thankyou for answering my prayers and helping my brother get off drugs. Its such an acomplishment! Whenever i need you lord, your there for me. You were there at the time when i was almost raped, you were there when i almost died from phenomonia at the age of 5, you were there when my mother had tumors (prayed they werent cancerous and he answered my prayers), you were there whenever i needed you and you'll always be right by my side.
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scens from his life
For each scen, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand
One belonged to him
and the other the Lord
When the last scene of his life flashed before him
he looked back at the footprints in the sand
he noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints
he also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life
this really bothered him and he questiioned the Lord.
"Lord, you said that once i decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But i have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints, I dont understand why when i needed you most you would leave me."
The lord replied,
"My precious precious child, I love you and i would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you."
Thank You, Lord
I want to thank you, Lord, for life and all that's in it.
Thank you for the day and the for the hour and the minute

Friday, January 30, 2009

You can never say "I love you" enough

Todays events have made me open my eyes up alot!

Well, recently a fellow employee of mine died at work. She was found laying on the floor at the front desk by a manager overnight. Tonight was her funeral, and me and a bunch of my fellow employees left work early to pay our respects. She was a very generous women who will be greatly missed. She was also very young (26) she died from an aneroism (however you spell it)

A few people went up and made speeches including some of my fellow employees. Some wrote her a poem. Her boyfriend was one of the last people to go up and i swear it made me cry. His greatest wish from everybody was to go home, look their significant other in the eyes and tell them you love them...because you never know what tomorrow holds for you.

My biggest fear has always been losing the ones i love the most. And for a long time when i was a little girl, i would always give my mom a hug and kiss goodbye and tell her i loved her because i was afraid it would be the last time i'd see her. Id cry my eyes out everytime she would leave because i was afraid. Ever since i was 3 i was afraid of my mother dying. And thats the honest truth. My mom told me that when i was 4 years old, i asked her where i would go if she ever died.

Well lately, for a few years now ive barely said i love you to my mom or my brothers. Even though i love them with everything i got and they know it. I mean, i tell my mom i love her, but not as much as i should. And for my brothers, i cant remember the last time i had said i love you. And i know there was a few times i told my mother i hated her :( because i was a stupid immature teenager back in the day. And i regret ever telling her that because its the complete opposite. I couldnt tell you how much i love my mother.

That changed today though. I texted my mom, and my two brothers during the funeral and told all three of them that i loved them. I even texted my two bestfriends and told them i loved them. And from now on, im going to make it a habit to tell them everyday more then once that i love them. At any minute, you can lose a loved one. And what will your last words be? I dont know about you but i would like my last words to be "I love you". Thankgod my last words to my Grandmom was i love you. I told her i loved her everytime i left. I would give her a hug and kiss all the time.

So like i was told at the funeral, My greatest wish for all you bloggers out there is to look your significant other in the eyes, and tell them how much you love them!! And make it a habit to tell everyone you love that you love them!

Well, on a more happy note! After the funeral, 10 of us went out to eat to dennys. A few of them were managers. We were all laughing the whole time. I had them all cracking up :) it was nice to actually go out to diner with employees, especially managers. It makes you feel important! I remember when i worked at this nursing home called Sunbridge, they would always go out to eat together but would never include me. And i would always be upset. And now i finally got that chance. I know it sounds corny but it really makes you feel special lol :)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

My family Means the world to me!

I can't stress it enough! Family is the most important thing. I love my family and i really dont know what i would do without them. They are the world to me. I couldnt ask for a better family!
Never doubt the love of family
They'll always be there for you
encouraging you through
They never let you down
helping you grow up wise and smart
They'll teach you wrong from right
They'll hold you in their arms tight
They'll give you hugs and kisses
Send you off to college with the best wishes
And when times get rough
They'll give you warmth and love
Like your an angel from above
So never doubt the love of family
They'll always be there for you
Encouraging you through!
Written by: Me (c) Rebecca Ann Murray-Hunt

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Monday, January 26, 2009

Never Forgotten


I just started this whole blogging thing. Simply because i never knew about it, surprisingly haha! I love to write and i always have so much on my mind so i figured this would be the best way to vent :) I hope you all enjoy!

Dec. 30, 2008 It was around 6am when my mother came in my room. I had watched my friends month old son Haiden that night so he was sound asleep on my chest. My mom woke me up crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she had told me that grandmom was in the hospital and she didnt think she would make it this time. All i said was "OH ok she'll make it, she always does" She left the room, and i went right back to sleep.

A couple of hours later, Haiden had woken up. So i got up and made him a bottle. My mother wasnt home so i called her to see where she had went. She was at the hospital sitting with my grandma and asked if i was going to come up to see her. I told her i would in a little bit. I then had my sister watch the baby while i hopped in the shower and got ready. Then took little Haiden home to his mother, called out of work, and went to the hospital.

By the time i had gotten there, my mother had left and i was the only one in the room. There she was, laying there with tubes shoved in her mouth and nose. She was on a breathing machine. So she wasnt awake. I stood there, as i looked at her and my eyes filled with tears. I grabbed her hand and held it for a long time as i gently rubbed her arm. I kissed her forehead and told her i loved her. Then i left. I couldnt stand to be there any longer...

I called my boyfriend of the time and had him come over. We watched a movie together. The movie ended around 5. As i layed in his arms, i began to cry. I asked him, "What if she really doesnt make it?" He reassured me everything would be fine.

After he left, i called my mother. She was back up at the hospital. She answered and rushed me off the phone because her and poppop and a few others were in a meeting with the doctor. So i freshened up so i could go back up to the hospital. About 15 minutes later my phone rang. It was my mother. She told me the doctor said grandmom wasnt going to make it through. She told me if i had wanted to say goodbye then id better come right now. I got off the phone, and rushed to the hospital.

my mommom

On my way there, i was listening to the radio and the song "Bye bye" by Mariah Carey came on. Tears began to fall from my eyes. Memories flooded my mind. And i just broke down. I arrived at the hospital. There was my mother,brother,sister,stepdad,poppop,aunt b,uncle mark,cousin tracy and jeanie, and uncle john all standing there with teary eyes. it was about 6 pm when i got there. My uncle Tony had went to PA to get my Aunt tammy and my two cousins Bobby and Bronson. They were almost there. I stood there holding her hand again as i watched the monitor. Her heart rate slowely started to decrease. Everytime i heard it make a sound my heart would jump. As her heart rate got slower and slower, the tears became more frequent. My uncle called and said theyd b there in 15 minutes. At that point her heart rate was at 50. 49 48 47...20 i started to break down in tears along with everyone else. I held her arm tight and kissed her forhead again and said, "I love you mommom, im going to miss you, please dont go" Everyone around me was crying their eyes out. My poppop was the only one being strong. 19 18 17....8....0 and then she was gone. Right in front of me. I swung my arms around her and wouldnt let go. I cried and i cried. I wouldnt let go. My Uncle got there 5 minutes tooo late. He was a mess. They finally got me to let go of her and then my Aunt amanda grabbed me up in her arms and we just stood there crying.

That night was the most miserable nights of my life. I lost my grandmother. The women who helped raise me. The women who would have diner on the table when i got home from elementary school. That was when me and my mother lived with my grandparents. She would help me get ready in the mornings for school. And i would give her a hard time. But she still loved me. For a year, she couldnt speak, but i could read her lips. I was the only one. I would do whatever she needed me to do that year. I would get her a drink, make her a plate of food, throw her trash away, help her up. I was only 8 years old. Once, she made eggsalad (My favorite) and i said, " mmm mommom whats that crunchy stuff i love it" and she laughed and laughed as she told me it was the eggshells. She teased me for years about that. it was so shes gone. I miss her so much.

Yesterday, i was at my friend jessicas babyshower and her mommom was there...reminded me so much of mine. And i just started crying. Right at the babyshower. Im a complete mess. I was the happiest girl ever before Dec. 30 and now im just a complete mess....{depressed}

R.I.P mommom~you are greatly missed.

The day of the funeral was when my poppop finally broke down. He couldnt be strong for us anymore. He stood there by her crying and said, "Im sure going to miss her", and then just broke down. I will never forget that day. Walking through the double doors and down the aisle to her casket and her laying there looking doll? i guess u could say. And i had once again kissed her forhead...but this time her skin was cold and hard on my lips instead of warm and soft. i kept myself strong that day...for the most part. I held the tears back as i comforted my family. That didnt last though. I was sitting down with my cousin tracy. I had my eyes set on my grandmom. My i wasnt all there at that moment. I was in my own little world. Thinking of all the memories. At that exact moment, i was thinking about Christmas eve. My poppop was drinking and mommom was sitting in her big comfy chair. I got a little hungry so i reached for the banannas. My poppop yelled out, "Wait, you gottaa ask mommom which banana you can have". (you understand the irony in that right?) Well i had laughed and turned to mommom and said, "hey mommom which bananna can i have?" N she smiled and said huh? you can have anyone youd like sweetheart. And i laughed so hard i fell down to the ground. And everyone else was laughing too. Its a kinda thing you gotta b there to think is funny. Anyway, thats what was going through my mind at the moment i bursted out crying. It went from me bursting out crying. My aunt amanda ran over to me and wrapped her arms around me just like at the hospital. And my mother came over and comforted me. I went outside and got some fresh air and then went back in. I went up to the casket one more time. I kneeled down on the little thing they had infront of her casket and my mom joined me. I told her she looked so fake with all the makeup she had caked on. My mom told me that mommom always wanted to have her makeup done and her nails done and hair done. She said mommom would be happy if she seen herself. It did make me feel a little better. But all i ever think about is when i kissed her forhead and it was hard and cold.

She was burried in the cemetary right across from my neighborhood. I visited her grave a week ago. I could only stand to be there 5 minutes. Just the thought of her in the ground made my stomach weak.

my mom,stepdad, and grandma

Me and my poppop

All of us grandkids back in the day. The boat behind us is my popops